Where the baths have no water

Friends, I am concerned. My child is obsessed (obsessed, I tell you!) with, of all things, the tub drain and its plug. The second his feet hit the tub water (and it’s only feet, peeps—the only water that butt sees is whatever I slosh on it with a washcloth), he reaches for the plug and pops it out. And after a few seconds, plugs it back in. And then takes it back out. Lather, rinse, repeat. He. will. not. stop. As in, I could have a laser-light-show-making, show-tune-singing, sequin festooned tub toy that is the envy of all children in the universe, and he would completely ignore it. As in, not even the cute bubbles I blow with the wand that comes in the California Baby bubble bath distract him. As in, I bought a SECOND plug in a weak attempt to keep some of the water in the tub for more than say, 15.6 seconds, and he grabs it, too whenever I try to sneak it back in there. He howls in protest if I hold my hand over the plug so he can’t take it out, but would happily stay in there forever once all the water is drained out. Even the spurned tub toys merit a second look once the tub is empty.

So of course, every tubbie-time begins with either daddymatic or me holding our little paws over the plug, insisting that “we need for the water to stay in the tub, D” enduring said shrieks of protest and much clawing of toddler hands. After five minutes of this, we give up, allow him to let the water out while swiping him off with a washcloth so he doesn’t reek of sweat/poo/encrusted food, and let him play in the empty tub for several minutes before proceeding with the rest of the evening routine.

So at this point, you might be asking, “why don’t you just stop wasting so much freaking water and put him in the dry tub, swipe him off with a washcloth and cut your losses?” My only answer is because, well, it’s weird. It’s weird to take nothing but what my friend Laurie used to refer to as “ho” baths (but what the more genteel of you might call “sponge” baths). It’s weird to be able to play fairly normally in a pool, play with water all day long but then become unable to function in a tub with a plug in it until that plug is pulled out. I know it is a battle I will lose, and I know in the grand scheme of things, it’s not a big deal, but it bugs me. If for no other reason than the sheer weirdness factor.

However, it is every bit as cute as it is weird. So here is your penis-free (can’t wait to see what google searches THAT merits) video of Bath With No Water. Oh, and Kristen? Daddymatic’s singing on this one as a tribute to the Flock of Seagulls hairstyle he gave D. It’s just for you, girl.

For the record, yes, D is pulling at his, ah, personal “plug” as we end the scene, and I am the person having trouble with the English language. Enjoy.





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