With friends like these...

Actual transcript of a conversation I had on Sunday with a 'friend' I'll call PK:

PK: Wow, I do not know if I could handle moving to Salt Lake City.

Mommymatic: Yeah, well, it's a big change, but I'm trying to stay positive, you know, in realizing that it's a great place for kids, and hey, Mormons are way into being family-centric, right?

PK: Well, my neighbors, who are ex-Mormons, just moved from there a couple of years ago because their sons were in middle school, and they said that once you're in high school in Salt Lake City, you're either Mormon or you're in a gang.

Mommymatic: Really?

PK: Yep, it's like one or the other.

Mommymatic: Wow. Well, hey, thanks for helping me stay positive, because I'll tell ya, what I needed to hear right now was your advice to stock up on bandannas and learn some C*rips lingo and not, say, your secret tips on how to pack china and glassware so it doesn't chip. You know, while we're at it, if you've got some lemon juice handy, I have a couple of paper cuts from yesterday that haven't healed up yet...

Okay, I didn't say the last part. I kind of wish I had, but I didn't. I know I'm overreacting, but dude, what's UP with people?